Learn Your Lesson.

2 Nov

In a previous blog, I wrote that the reason why southerners all carry guns, is because they could never beat a northerner in a fist fight. Although, my tongue was placed firmly against my cheek, as I have come across my share of southerners I wouldn’t mess with, it made me wonder why, in this country, guns have become more acceptable than fists.

Take this scenario:

You wake up because you hear a noise in your house. You grab your gun, and head out to investigate. A man comes running down the hall at you. You raise your gun and shoot him in the head. He is dead. No charges are filed. Self defense. End of story.

Now imagine the same scenario without the gun. The man charges you and thanks to some MMA training, you beat his ass within an inch of his life, but he lives. No charges are filed. Self defense. End of story.

Not so fast. After spending 2 weeks in the hospital, the victim hires an attorney to sue you for excessive force, due to your martial arts training. Likewise, amid local pressure, the DA decides to file charges against you, and the next thing you know, YOU’RE on trial. ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME???

We have no problem with a guy being shot and killed, while he’s committing a felony, but don’t throw the guy a beating, to teach him a lesson, or you’ll be in real trouble. I can guarantee, and I do mean guarantee, that if you could ask every dead dude what he would choose, it wouldn’t be to be dead. So why do we not recognise that, from a legal standpoint? Why is putting a guy in the hospital WORSE than putting him in a casket? Don’t know? Me either.

To be honest, I don’t have a problem with the first scenario. I know if I owned a gun, and someone broke into my home at night, I would shoot them too. I didn’t write this to chastise the system for allowing one man to kill another man, in defense of his home. I’m just trying to figure out when we started letting scenario number 2 become possible.

I can’t tell you how many times that I have watched altercations play out right in front of me and thought, “This dude needs to get smacked around a little so he can learn a lesson.” There are no lessons being learned anymore. Therefore, behavior is getting worse. Hey, there’s no law that says I can’t walk up to you and your wife in public, and tell her that she’s a fat slut, but 20 years ago I would know that I was going to have to throw down with the husband. However, today this exchange would most likely end with a short verbal battle and nothing more. Why? Because we have pussified this country.

In the state of Texas, where they have designer electric chairs, corporal punishment is legal. If you don’t know what that means, let me make it real simple. You can smack or spank your kids, for being bad, without fear of abuse charges. Within reason, of course. So why can’t we do this as adults. If someone does something wrong to you, why can’t you smack the shit outta them and tell them if they do it again, the next smackdown will be worse? I can guarantee that dude at work who keeps stealing pens out of your desk, will never do it again after he gets a nice right jab to the eye. If you’re not up to it, just butter up the giant college kid in the mailroom with a weeks worth of lunch. Either way, pen guy gets the message.

The very notion that violence is never the answer is complete bullshit. No matter how many times I have had an issue with someone, the problem gets resolved much faster, and with far more success, when there is a fear of violence. Now, in my case that fear is always present, because I WILL throw down if the situation warrants it, regardless of the consequences. Nevertheless, if the law wasn’t so quick to charge and convict someone with aggravated assault, because they “taught someone a lesson,” then maybe less people would do the kind of things that result in an ass whoopin’.

In the end, we have become a country of wussies, unwilling to accept the fact that sometimes a person deserves a smack in the face. Plain and simple. Violence doesn’t beget violence, it rectifies stupidity. It’s also cathartic. I still want to smack the shit outta the guy driving the Ford Bronco, who threw a coffee in my window on Rt. 3, in Weymouth, back in ’93, pulled over like a tough guy, and then sped off when I stopped and got outta my van. See what I mean. I would feel so much better if I could have just taught him a lesson. ;-)

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4 Responses to “Learn Your Lesson.”

  1. Michelle Fuller Fitzgerald November 2, 2011 at 5:57 pm #

    Oh yes! Oh hell yes! I have met my fair share of people who need a good swift kick in the ass! Thanks for making me feel I’m not alone!

    • jwc November 2, 2011 at 7:14 pm #

      You are not alone. I am here with you. Though we’re far apart, you’re always in my heart. ;-)

  2. Sue Muscato November 3, 2011 at 9:37 am #

    Finally… something we agree on! A good beating is exactly what so many people need! I think there would be a lot less bullying in schools, too, if you were allowed to beat the crap out of your tormentors or get someone else to do it. Kids will do and say anything these days because they have no fear of getting thier asses beat. I’m all for gun rights, but we shouldn’t underestimate the effectiveness of a good old fashioned ass kicking!

  3. Steve November 8, 2011 at 10:00 am #

    Excellent essay! A real life day-to-day problem that comes up surprisingly often (not the house intruder, the ignorant public ass).

    If it was only the reasonable people defending being reasonable, I’d agree with you. But there’s no shortage of idiots who are able to knock me around, not that I’m small or weak, just know that I fall somewhere close to the median in size and strength (meaning 50% of the people will kick my ass). On second thought, I used to be near the median. Now that I’m approaching 60, well, let’s just say my imagination of what I’d do to some smartass is much better than the way it would often turn out if an argument turned violent.
    Not advocating guns as a replacement to a black eye, just pointing out ways your arguments don’t necessarily work.

    The other issue is whether it’s worse now than it used to be – are people acting out more in public than they used to? And if they are, is it because they no longer fear a punch in the nose. Interesting questions!

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