Real Talk, About Sex!


Oh my.

Another sex scandal.

Say it ain’t so.

A man of power and honor, cheating on his wife. Who could do such a thing?

I’ll tell you who……..EVERYONE! It makes no difference who you are, where you live, when you were born, what your occupation, or what so-called moral compass you think you have. Virtually every single person out there has a real desire to have sex with someone other than their spouse. That’s right. I said it. We all “want” to cheat. The only difference between ‘us’ and ‘them’, is whether we actually go through with it. Plain and simple.

We all know that nobody is immune. Multiple Presidents have done it. Hollywood celebs, too. Tons of musicians have done it, and there is no need to start naming all the big time athletes who have done it. We all sit back and realize that being rich, famous, or powerful, means that members of the opposite sex are going to throw themselves at you, and yet we still pass judgement on them when they can’t resist. Why? Resisting the urge goes against a persons animal instincts. Other than dolphins, which we all consider to be brilliant creatures, human beings are the only other species that has sex for fun. We love it. We especially love it with different people.  Unless, of course, you’re a complete shrew, but that’s your problem. The other 99% of us wish someone was under our desk right now, “taking care” of us while we read this.

So ask yourself these analogous questions.

If your spouse made a terrific homemade mac and cheese, that you absolutely loved, but one beautiful afternoon,  someone else offered to let you try theirs, to compare. Would you say no? Of course not. Everybody loves mac and cheese. Hell, your spouse may want the recipe. Ok, maybe not. Point being, you would try the new mac and cheese, without fear of upsetting your spouse.

Next question. What if you and a colleague go to lunch together, and discuss your job and your home life with each other, should you be worried that you might get in trouble when you get home?  I would hope not. Unless your spouse is crazy, in which case, cheating might get you killed. 🙂 The fact is, you can do any one of a million things, with a member of the opposite sex, and have no fear of retribution or divorce. However, having sex, outside the marriage, is definitely NOT one of them.

I recently read an article about the 10 most important things to a successful marriage. 9 of the 10 made perfect sense. Understanding. Communication. Respect. Friendship. Sense of Humor. Common Pursuits. Shared Interests. Trust. Commitment………… No mention of a good sex life, though. Hmmmmm.

Then there was the last one. Fidelity. Interesting. This one says a lot. It clearly shows that even if sex isn’t one of the top 10 things to make a marriage successful, having sex with someone else is definitely a way to make one fail.  So, it will come as no surprise that cheating is the #1 reason for divorce.

To review:

1] Sex not important for a successful marriage.

2] Cheating #1 reason for divorce.


So, the big question is why? Why does something that isn’t even considered that important to a good marriage, have so much in control over its success or failure? Quite a conundrum.

Let me draw a parallel, with some more cheesy analogies and euphemisms. Men will go fishing, with other people, because their wives may not like it. Women will go shopping, with other people, because their husbands may not like it. How many things would YOU like to do, that your spouse has no interest in doing? C’mon now. Let’s be real, people. Anytime there is something that our spouses want to do, that we “don’t” want to do, we let them go do it with someone else, who “does” want to do it. Why should sex be any different?

Is it vanity? Is it control? Or is it just the illusion that fidelity equates to good morality? “He’s a good man, who would never cheat on his wife.” Trust me, that statement has probably been made about 80% of the people who have cheated on their spouses. The truth is, in many cases, the cheater IS a great person. Great parent. Great provider. Great friend. Someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with. Yet, “cheater” is the label we give this person.

I have always hated the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater.” This is the mantra of the holier than thou. If you’ve said it, than you are either someone nobody wants to sleep with, or you’re a hypocrite. For crying out loud, who HASN’T cheated on someone, once or twice. We were all young and stupid at one point in our lives. It’s called growing up. Then we get older and fall into line, and start convincing ourselves that fidelity is somehow morally important to being categorized as a good person. I just don’t get it.

In the end, the people who stay monogamous  to their spouse, only do it because they have such a great marriage, that they don’t want to risk losing it. Imagine that, they don’t cheat because they love what they have too much. Not because they don’t WANT to sleep with someone else, but because they don’t want to be STUCK with that someone else. They would rather be stuck with you. Lame sex life and all. Not sure what that means, but if cheating wasn’t considered cheating, than the #1 reason for divorce would no longer exist. Just sayin’.

Published by jwc

Just my thoughts on whatever has my attention.

5 thoughts on “Real Talk, About Sex!

  1. Well……totally agree with this blog….I also agree with part about once a cheater always a cheater that is bullshit. Realtionships change people.

  2. I agree. We are all humans with human natural urges and desires. We have attached “intimacy” to sex and I think that is why cheating has become such a betrayal. We have to learn what true intimacy is: being totally vulnerable emotionally. Feeling safe to reveal EVERYTHING to another; your deepest feelings and fears to one another. Once you actually have this kind of intimacy with another, sex is the ultimate expression of that intimacy. To then have sex with another is truly betraying that trust because sex has become so much more than sex for you. And because it has become so much more and is such a mind-blowing experience it cannot be experienced with a ‘fly by night’ encounter. In other words: it’s so good at home why in the world would you want the lesser variety? So my advice is to allow yourself to be totally vulnerable with the one you love; build that trust. The sex is phenomenal!

    1. I have to disagree with you, Jill. I think everything you say does apply to certain people, but I also think it is possible to have all of the things you described, while still having a vanilla sex life. No matter how in tune two people are emotionally to each other, it is still possible that one of the two people in the relationship is just not that into sex, and to presume that means they’re not as connected as they think, is disingenuous. Sometimes it’s possible for two people to connect on every level, even if one of them has a low sex drive and the other one has a high sex drive. I would contend that if your relationship is really so emotionally strong, that you would be able to have an open marriage, which many couples in this country do. Successfully, I might add. It doesn’t mean but they’re relationship is lacking. In fact, I think that would actually be a sign of how strong their relationship could be. There is no begin all and end all structure for a perfect relationship. Therefore, my original point holds true. 🙂

  3. I have to admit that I certainly have not experienced that misaligned sex drive (and I say thank goodness) and I have not known anyone with an open marriage. So I can only speak from experience. I can certainly see your point intellectually. I just cannot go there emotionally.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: